It may get hairy…

Posts tagged ‘half-naked zombie’

To be, or not to be… a slug

For the last few months, I’ve been sinking into a melancholic abyss. I get lethargic and fatter – couch potato takes on a new meaning as I gorge on potatoes. Alright, in all honesty, I’ve been eating really well and just continuously gaining pounds. Now, don’t give me the exercise lecture, been there, done that – it didn’t help either and yes, I did it for a significantly long period of time.

Anyway, this combined with my total lack of motivation has made me akin to a rather large, rather red, slug. So imagine this slug can’t find a way out of its slugness and sits at its laptop, day in, day out, feeling increasingly sorry for itself. Until one day, it communes with a non-slug that it really doesn’t like and all of a sudden the slug is filled with anger and a desire to not be slug-like, so that it can compete with the non-slug and show the non-slug it is so much better than it and is, in fact, a butterfly… or some equivalent happy, bright, non-slug like thing.

So, it is with this burst of motivation, anger and jealousy driving me on that I start upon my journey to salvation. My first step towards freedom, self-love and all that gushy stuff. This drive of non-slug-like envy raises me up to do what I have to do! To take my first step into the future that is mine to hold and so today, I took this first step. I grabbed my future by the balls and told it ‘I am the captain of my fate!’ And so today….

I did the dishes.

Now, I’d like a round of applause and someone to come do my laundry – there’s quite a lot.

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Speechless…

Whilst I know that I shouldn’t post a one/two liner, I couldn’t help but update you on a search term that my recent post attracted, warranting a outloud ‘Oh, dear Lord!’ from me, first thing in the morning:

 

“Enter my orifice.”

I have little else to say…

Infernal fires up

So, my not-so-nasty text had adverse results.

I sent the text and had a lovely reply back from Infernal, apologising and saying he’ll sort the problem out. He did. There was no noise this morning, but apparently he felt he had to out-do himself one more time.

The plonker rocked up, underneath my cardboard box, with Religious Fervour, at 9.30pm and started what could only have been a full-scale riot. I thank whatever gods may be* that I’m not an early sleeper, else they’d have had a half-naked, zombified lunatic accosting them…which would have probably ended in some form of legal action. It turned out that we were riot free, but they were moving innocuous furniture from one side of the husk to the other. I ask you… what’s the point?

It must be a ploy to take my sanity.

 

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