It may get hairy…

WWYD


I’ve just Ctrl +A deleted a terribly boring post (count yourself lucky) and now I’m going to write a semi-decent one, but I want input (and please, actual input this time).

What makes you happy?

This is not a rhetorical question, I really do want your input.

I know we’re all different in our own separate ways, but I’ve just been watching a terribly cliche film, Eat, Pray, Love. Those that know me, know that I’m pretty much none of those things. I’m not an eater (although I may look the part), I’m certainly not a prayer* and…well…let’s just say it’s been a while.

Whilst many of the concepts I either disagreed or slightly agreed on, the film made me happy…which was a problem. It made me happy because of the sense of peace and stillness I felt when I thought about travelling, about walking the streets of Rome (bucket listed) or Strasbourg (most beautiful place I’ve ever seen), or drinking and partying in Prague…or even just the sweet sense of freedom as for the first time in my life I walked to the Tescos in Leytonstone and no one on this bloody planet knew where I was.

The problem lies in the fact that my happiness is the new, it’s the brief (not briefs), the solitude and the stranger. It’s change, it’s the awe of new surroundings and drinking wine at a cheap cafe. The problem is, one can’t simply continue changing. It’s expensive, for one thing, it’s also unhealthy…. and I can’t move without The Guns. So how do I balance the two? The need for stability, love and a family vs. the wonderful anonymity of travelling and the only peace I’ve ever known?

I have lots of time to contemplate how to achieve my happiness. I can’t move for a while, as my family needs me, so I’ll wade through the bog that is my life, lose weight and find my way to happiness.

But in the meantime, answer me – What would YOU do?

*See what I did there? Ps. I have disobeyed many grammatical rules in this blog. May the Grammar Nazis, like myself, have mercy on me.

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Comments on: "WWYD" (10)

  1. I really should take the xmas hat off the mammoth…oops!

  2. What makes me happy: chocolate, wine, good food, sex, my baby laughing, my baby kissing & cuddling me, flowers, gifts, new clothes, clean linen, sunshine!!, swimming in the ocean, holidays, a good book, nights out with the girls, flirting, laughing loudly, spending time with my family, a hot shower, perfume and ice cream. Not necessarily in that order haha!

    And you know what? I get to experience more than one of these things every day – but I still question my happiness, and catch myself thinking: what if? What if life hadn’t taken me to the other side of the world? What if I had chosen a different profession? What if I’d said I don’t instead of I do? What if I’d waited to have a baby instead of wanting to try straight away, without any savings?!

    It’s healthy to feel happy about a future possibility – like going travelling again one day. It’s also normal, I think, to feel a bit of a come down when you accept that the ‘one day ‘ might be a lot further away than you’d like. At least it exists.

    I think I have gone off on quite a tangent here! I guess what I am trying to say – in a very roundabout way! – is it sounds like you are questioning your daily happiness after feeling – and realising that you were feeling – happy about something that isn’t possible right now, making daily life seem not so happy. But you can experience something new without too much expense – could be as small as trying a new wine or cooking something different from scratch, visiting a different beach or just ‘getting lost’ in your neighbourhood. I know it sounds corny but maybe worth a try?

    I tell you what I’d do if I were you hun. I’d relish the time I had to myself, get a girls night in the diary, go to a gym class & check out the hot single guys on match.com/other dating sites haha. And maybe even start planning that ‘one day’ trip… Xxx

    • Hey Twinks,

      I love your list of happy things 😉 It’s great and I’m really glad you get to experience those things each day. I also have many small things that make me happy (wine definitely being one of them), but it was the alternate that happened. I’ve known for a long time that I’m deeply unhappy here. It’s a location thing, I don’t think it’s South Africa, but more living a small, geriatric town. I’m practically living in an old age home (no joke). There is a spattering of people between the ages of 22 or 49 and most are married.

      I spoke to Dobs about it a while back and my life-long goal is have a family (I’m rather jealous of you and Dobs) and sorry, Sham, yes, I do want to increase the population. We both accepted that I won’t get that sitting around here. Making yourself happy is great, but getting up and doing something to achieve your goals (especially ones like that) is just as important, if not more.

      I watched that film last night after well over a year of knowing how unhappy I was here and I think (although I think I missed the point in my blog), I realised I needed to find a away to bring that stillness into my life, rather than go out and get it by travelling, which, as Dobs says, is completely unrealistic and I’m aware of that.

      Twinks, you need to do yourself and favour and check out the dating sites that are in and around Durban, get yourself a glass of a wine and a girlfriend and go have a good laugh. If you can pick out one that isn’t 60 and isn’t looking for a ‘good time’ (in less vague terms), you’ll be a winner 😉 It’s a serious laugh. Re. the girls night, I think if I had friends here, it would make the world of difference. I did for a while and she’s coming back in October, but currently, I haven’t a single friend in my town, after being here a year and ‘putting myself out there.’ Another reason on the list of reasons to move.

      The question is where? I have two choices that I like – Margate (predominantly Afrikaans, but I have a friend there and although she’s young, she has a friend group around my age, which I know some of already. I’d still keep the coastal lifestyle, which I like). Durban (probably Kloof or somewhere – but I have no idea what it’s like, I’ve driven through, but no one [incentive] and no idea what the social life is like [not so much incentive].

      And then I need to save for a deposit… 😉

      Ps. And you say you go on a tangent hahaha.

  3. Have you considered shorter, cheaper trips? Something like a week or two, just to get a taste of new things?

    • Howdy 😉 Yes, definitely. As Dobs said, travelling constantly is unrealistic. I think the only way I’ll be able to settle the ‘travel bug’ is through short trips. I’m planning one already (not to a bucket list place, but to visit a friend), but struggling with whether to save to move first (most important) and then the trip (not entirely sure I can manage both in the time frame needed/expected).

  4. Robyn Trenton said:

    For me happiness is appreciating every moment. To find this just look at a child, they treat every moment like a new experience and live in that moment. This morning i was up at 4:30 to feed brat 2, in the process brat 1 woke up. Now i could have sat in the house moaning about this, but Devon wanted to go out and see the sun rise and o my what a sunrise it was. Its those little moments that make it worth living. It would be an unrealistic life style to travel all the time and at the end of the day (life) you would still be all alone with just your memories and no one to share those memories with.

    After all that i think for me happiness would have to be having someone to spend those moments with, be them once in a life time moments or events that happen everyday that we have forgotten to appreciate. (Wow it sounds like i know what im on about)

    • Hey Dobs, I think this all comes down the convo we had about me reaching out and getting what I want (read the comment in reply to Tabz). I fully realise travelling constantly is totally unrealistic and it’s not exactly what I want, but I do need to find a way to get that stillness in my life, which is now a big goal.

      Your last part is exactly right and that’s what I want and we both know I won’t find it here. Onwards to finding my new goal!

  5. Benoni Goose said:

    Mmm..what makes this goose happy?

    What makes me happy is doing what I want to do.
    Simple as that.

    And what do I want to do? That was the tough question!

    I wrote out my bucket list…but being a Virgo I couldnt just leave it at that. I created an excel spreadsheet and opened five catagories

    1. Travel
    Divided by continent and then country and then by things I want to do or see in that country. The list grows but at least I have a starting point when I can eventually afford to travel.

    2. Local/Free
    Stuff I can do from home without spending a cent. This boils down to simple things like learning how to grow a vegetable garden or watching a meteor shower(beautiful), joining PETA and the Organ Donor Foundation. I also included all the books I would like to read, from Shakespeare to reading all the Stephen King novels to 50 Shades…lol.

    3. Local/Charged
    Stuff I can do locally but there is a fee…Scuba Diving, going on a Coffee Tour, Bungee Jumping, Skydiving, going to a Rock concert or Ballet or visiting a local museum.

    4. Courses/Study/Career
    What I want to achieve and what my career goals are. What do I still want to study?
    Personally I still want to get a PHD in Clinical Psychology. It does mean I will most likely study for at least 10 years…but if thats what I want…

    5. Family/Friends
    Simply put I put my aims on how often I would like to be with my friends and family, how often I would like to do something meaningful with them from starting a book club with friends(50 shades anyone?) or spending Sundays with family.

    The awesome thing is I highlight all the things I have accomplished and I know where to go from there. It is also not money dependant so I never feel despondant.

    It’s a long answer to a simple question. And happiness is actually a state of being and not doing. And if you arent happy none of the things on your list are going to make you happy if you arent happy to begin with.

    Life has so much to offer but you have to make the effort to accept these gifts.

    RUN WITH IT!

    • Goose! WordPress listed you as Spam, I promise I wasn’t ignoring you!

      I answered this in your blog, but suffice to say, I was NOT ignoring you 😉 Looking forward to more posts chick!

  6. […] friend of  mine Sez(a fellow blogger) asked the question and while writing the response I thought I would share it with my fellow […]

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