It may get hairy…


For the last few months, I’ve been sinking into a melancholic abyss. I get lethargic and fatter – couch potato takes on a new meaning as I gorge on potatoes. Alright, in all honesty, I’ve been eating really well and just continuously gaining pounds. Now, don’t give me the exercise lecture, been there, done that – it didn’t help either and yes, I did it for a significantly long period of time.

Anyway, this combined with my total lack of motivation has made me akin to a rather large, rather red, slug. So imagine this slug can’t find a way out of its slugness and sits at its laptop, day in, day out, feeling increasingly sorry for itself. Until one day, it communes with a non-slug that it really doesn’t like and all of a sudden the slug is filled with anger and a desire to not be slug-like, so that it can compete with the non-slug and show the non-slug it is so much better than it and is, in fact, a butterfly… or some equivalent happy, bright, non-slug like thing.

So, it is with this burst of motivation, anger and jealousy driving me on that I start upon my journey to salvation. My first step towards freedom, self-love and all that gushy stuff. This drive of non-slug-like envy raises me up to do what I have to do! To take my first step into the future that is mine to hold and so today, I took this first step. I grabbed my future by the balls and told it ‘I am the captain of my fate!’ And so today….

I did the dishes.

Now, I’d like a round of applause and someone to come do my laundry – there’s quite a lot.

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Comments on: "To be, or not to be… a slug" (23)

  1. What you need is Sexercise!

  2. Now listen you, I’m perfectly normal 😉

    • That sounds a lot like Invader Zim speaking…

      Season 1 Episode 1:

      Zim: Hello, friends. I am a perfectly normal human worm-baby. You have nothing, absolutely nothing, to fear from me. Just pay no attention to me and we’ll get along just fine.

  3. Exactly. I’m a perfectly normal human slug-baby.

    • Pretty Slug want a crisp? …. ooh there we go… and another…. good slug now finish the whole bag so i can take you to the beach and sell shade 😛

  4. I’m going to reverse my foot into your face 😉

    On a side note: Read the first paragraph, exercise didn’t work either. I did it for over 3 months and still do, just not as much as before.

    And your crisp thingy is unfounded, as I eat uber healthily and have even (shoot me now) stopped the booze for awhile.

    So…. in summary: Nah, nah dee nah nah.

    Ps. Slugs don’t give off nice shade.

  5. Gnome snot said:

    Hahahaha loved that and on that note… Matt is doing my dishes,I will send him over for your laundry. See told ya I would read it later 😉

    Yours faithfully
    Gnome snot

    • Dear Gnome Snot,

      Please tell Matt, if he wasn’t already accepted as part of the family, he now definitely is. Please can you both get here post haste (is that the right term? I’m tired), as I need a vegging buddy and my laundry to be done 🙂

      Yours sincerely,

      Fairy Poop

      • Gnome snot said:

        Working on it as I eat my chicken wings 😉

      • I’d bitch, but the folks took me out for dinner. Granted, I’ve only have provitas for two days, so I rate the dinner is allowed….right??

        The beer, I may have to explain 🙂

  6. One whose 'horrible evil ugly duckling' type name one cannot remember! said:

    One does love this pointless bickering – a nice change from FB. One does think that one’s sluggish form needs to get off one’s ass and do the fecking laundry!!! And on that note, Gnome snot, can you send Matt over here to do my dishes as well please 😀

    • Hello ‘one whose horrible…’ oh bloody hell, I’m not retyping that name haha 🙂

      It is a nice change from FB. However, I would like people to take note that said slug has her laundry in the drier (and using up alllllllllllll her evil caretakers’ electricity [insert evil laugh.] So, I’m getting there 🙂

      Hmmmm, dishes and laundry, what’s next on the list? 🙂

  7. One whose 'horrible evil ugly duckling' type name one cannot remember! said:

    Awaiting Moderation – seriously!!!?! (threw the question mark in there in case the sarcastic exclamation marks weren’t direct enough)

    • Well, how was I supposed to know you weren’t some evil troll trying to sell me funny pills?? 🙂 All approved and from now on, you never, ever, ever, ever, ever have to be moderated again 🙂 Yay for you 🙂

      Ps. If I don’t reply, it’s cos this slug is snoring xx

    • Oh WAIT, did you mean Elf Crack? Or am I misunderstanding the Ugly Duckling reference? 😀

      • One whose 'horrible evil ugly duckling' type name one cannot remember! said:

        I was merely implying that I had some ridiculous fairytale name(IMO it’s something that is ugly and on the same lines as ‘ugly duckling’) that I couldn’t remember 😉 So yes it was ‘Elf Crack’… Nighty night! And well done on on the clothes!

  8. Thanks, Elf Crack 🙂 Now I have to work. And I don’t want to. Think we can con someone to do my work for me?

  9. One whose 'horrible evil ugly duckling' type name one cannot remember! said:

    Um, I think that may borderline lazy 😉

  10. […] you’re aware that of late I’ve been a ‘slug?’ So it turns out [cue drum-roll please], there is a reason that I have been so […]

  11. […] then, between April and May alone, I picked up 10kgs, while […]

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